Issues surface with suicide of transgender youth in Holland

The October 29 suicide of 16-year-old transgender student Ian Benson has the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender community grappling with difficult issues.

“As parents, this is one of our worst fears,” said Colette Beighley, Triangle Foundation’s West Michigan field organizer. Triangle Foundation is a statewide gay-rights organization, which focuses on monitoring, reporting on and assisting those impacted by hate crimes. “Our worst fear is that some of our kids will end up like Matthew Shepard, but sometimes we have to remember the pain is so intense that they take their own lives.”

Beighley knew Benson, and her daughter called Benson her best friend. Beighley organized a memorial vigil for Benson last week, but the questions about why Benson took his life remain. Benson was well-liked and his family accepted him for who he was. In fact, his mother started a national group to support families dealing with transgender children, TransYouth Family Advocates. The organization has launced an awareness campaign about suicide among transgender youth call the Amethyst Ribbon campaign.

Continued -“Ian was our friend, he was the friend of our children, he was part of our hearts and the hearts of his family,” said TransYouth Family Advocates executive director Kim Pearson in a press release. “To keep Ian’s memory alive, we will help other families and children by telling the stories of our children and families, to reach out to the other Ians of the world. We can help them and their families find the answers. In honor of Ian and all transgender people, we ask that you share this message and vision.”

“All I can say is that the Trevor Project statistics are startling,” Beighley said. The Trevor Project, a 24 hour crisis hotline for LBGT and questioning youth, estimates that one out of two transgenders will attempt to take their lives, with many succeeding. “Supportive parents have a lot to worry about. They have to worry about not only the external forces but the internal conflicts that arise for these kids.”

Julie Nemecek knows the internal conflicts all too well. A year ago, struggling to keep her job at Spring Arbor University and transition into a woman, it almost became too overwhelming. She talks of sitting in her living room with a gun in hand, suicide note written. She stopped herself because she thought of her family and what her suicide would do to them.

“What is terribly difficult is to explain how your mind works differently,” said Nemecek. “Not even why, but how.”

She said the issues around gender are difficult because American culture is built on a two-gender model, leaving little room for crossover. “It makes it difficult and painful when you have to fit into a mold that is not of your making.”

Beighley concurs. “I think there is nothing in our society which prepares transgenders. We are taught how to be a boy or a girl, and that is not foolproof,” she said. “There is no reference point for these children. There is no road map.”

“I hear a lot of lesbian, bisexual and gay people talking about them,” said Rachel Crandell executive director of Transgender Michigan, an organization which advocates for political change for the trasngender community as well as provides educational outreach services. “Those tranny people, they are not really us. They are them.”

Crandell said that divisiveness is painful. “I think it can have a traumatic effect.”

She said when she came out as transgender, one of her gay friends stopped talking to her.

Crandell and Nemecek both said the current debate about excluding gender identity and expression from the Employment Nondiscrimination Act (ENDA) has a negative impact on the transgender community. ENDA would prohibit discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation if it passes Congress and President Bush signs it into law. 

“I think it is telling them no one cares,” said Crandell of the removal of gender identity and expression from the federal bill. “I think it shows people that it is really hard to trust. When people say they are with you, how do you really know?”

“It is more likely to push them into the closet,” Nemecek said, “which means suppressing your true self. It brings on anxiety and depression.”

All three said they wanted to see a more open dialogue about transgender issues in the LGBT community, and note that people don’t express themselves 100 percent within the confines of the traditional gender role structure.

“There is physical violence. But emotional violence also kills,” said Nemecek.

Photo courtesy of Holland Sentinel.