Brayton’s Bag o’ links: Erections and elections edition

Enzyte Bob smiling all the way to prison

You know those incredibly annoying commercials for “natural male enhancement” starring Bob with a huge smile on his face all the time? The Wall Street Journal health blog reports:

The founder of a company that sells Enzyte — “the once-daily tablet for natural male enhancement” — was sentenced to 25 years in jail yesterday. Berkeley Premium Neutraceuticals and other defendants were ordered to forfeit $500 million. The drug was promoted by a guy called “Smiling Bob” (pictured at left, smiling)…

Steve Warshak, founder of Berkeley Premium Neutraceuticals, was convicted earlier this year on 93 counts of conspiracy, fraud and money laundering. Federal prosecutors said the company bilked customers out of $100 million through deceptive ads, manipulated credit-card transactions and refusal to accept returns or cancel orders.

Warshak was quoted as saying, “I do feel deep remorse and would like to apologize to any customer who ever had a bad experience with my company.” Uh huh. That explains why the commercials are still running (I saw one just last night). Maybe he’ll get lucky and his cellmate will need “natural male enhancement.”

And everyone in Houston is a rocket scientist

Of all the arguments made in favor of McCain’s VP pick, Sarah Palin, by far the dumbest one has to be this notion that she has foreign policy experience because Alaska is close to Russia. Steve Doocy of Fox News — a man who would need a promotion to get to be dimwitted — was the first one to throw it out there, then Cindy McCain repeated it. Seriously, how does one say something that stupid with a straight face? By their “reasoning” I must be a tanker captain because I grew up between the Great Lakes.

Astute analysis from former SNL star

I know what you’re thinking. We’ve heard from Kal Penn and Scarlett Johansson (both Obama supporters) and even Ducky from Pretty in Pink (Jon Cryer, who is supporting McCain). That really only leaves one relevant question: What does Victoria Jackson think about the election?

I don’t want a political label, but Obama bears traits that resemble the anti-Christ and I’m scared to death that un-educated people will ignorantly vote him into office.

And you thought she was just pretending to be a dumb blonde. Here’s what I don’t get: If you’re a Christian, wouldn’t you be rooting for the Antichrist to show up? I mean, it’s all part of God’s plan, right? It’s a prophecy that has to come true in order for Jesus to return, right? And yet here is Victoria Jackson, who claims to be a Christian, trying to prevent God’s will from happening. Victoria, why do you hate God so much? You’re making the baby Jesus cry.

The Academy Award for huge cojones goes to…

Seattle City Councilman Richard McIver used city money to pay a $1,000 fine levied by the Seattle Ethics and Elections Commission last month after finding that he had given the appearance of favoritism in awarding city contracts to a longtime friend.

Ethics and Elections Director Wayne Barnett said he will return the money to the city’s law department, which issued the check. Tuesday, he sent a letter saying the fine is meant to be paid by the councilman with his own money, not by the city. (source)

He must have a specially fitted suit.

Palin files ethics complaint against herself

Yes, it’s true.

Gov. Sarah Palin wants a state board to review the circumstances surrounding the dismissal of Public Safety Commissioner Walt Monegan — taking the unusual step of making an ethics complaint against herself.

When asked about this unusual move, John McCain replied, “You know, there was a time in my life when I was a POW and didn’t have access to ethics complaints.” He then told the reporter to get off his lawn.