Let’s talk about race: Why is it so awkward?

[Commentary] Recently I was reminded why genuine conversation on race between people of different backgrounds is so often avoided: It’s really awkward. After all, it’s hard to talk to someone who doesn’t know anything about any culture other than the suburban white one, and trying to bridge that communication gap can make you feel uneasy.

Days ago a very sheltered suburban white person approached my friend and me for a “talk” about race (black and white). There’s no denying she needed this conversation, but it was so awkward, I wished it hadn’t been with me.

The girl my friend and I spoke to (who I’ll call Jaime for anonymity’s sake) had absolutely no idea about how to talk about black people. Her efforts to sound open-minded came out a bit offensive, though I believe she had good intentions. She made comments like, “I just realized black people are actually good people. I just looove black people.” Really? And to my friend, “You’re black — I mean, at least you’re attractive.” Wow.

She told a story about how she tried to “be black” by saying “fo’ shizzle my nizzle” to black people she saw. She then added that she wished she were black so she could be “just chillin’ fo’ shizzle’ my nigga.” I didn’t know what to say.

My friend, who perhaps has more cultural credit for being “black,” started explaining why this was not a “black” thing to say, and also how ridiculous she sounded, and he was laughing while he spoke, because it was so outrageous it was funny.

Continued -For those who may not know, the phrase “for shizzle my nizzle” was created by rapper Snoop Dog as part of his self-created slang that has been popularized in songs and other media but is not something black people say — ever — unless in jest or quoting Snoop Dog. The phrase literally “translates” out to be “for sure, my nigga.” I guess Jamie or her friends heard it from Snoop and assumed all black people said it. Who knows.

I couldn’t help but laugh, at first in disbelief but then because as she kept talking, I started feeling increasingly uneasy. Should I encourage this conversation? Get mad? Change the subject?

That’s the big question. How does one respond to these conversations? And on the flip side, if you don’t know better, how do you approach this conversation? At first I felt bad for her, and then I realized that I, too, grew up in sheltered white suburbia. It was harder for me to sympathize because after four years of college I really made the effort, and still am making the effort, to learn about other cultures. Jaime is a graduate of Wayne State, so how could she let those four years of cultural diversity slip by? Was it because she already had a culture to identify with and didn’t need to explore others?

It’s easy to get all ruffled up when talking about race to someone who knows nothing, so I made a point to understand, and I also encouraged her to continue her query about black people and other cultures.

I let her know that what what she was saying was ridiculous by laughing at her and perhaps poking a bit of fun at the rather ignorant statements, but I encouraged her questions by saying more people need to ask these questions so we can all understand one another.

She said her family and friends from home in Allen Park consider her the outsider because she is actually interested in other cultures and she is scorned for her curiosity.

I walked away from the conversation feeling taken aback, confused, and wondering if I responded appropriately. It dawned on me that the people who need to learn about different cultures are usually very sheltered and may not know what is appropriate to say, really. And I guess I’m a little sheltered myself. Maybe I just surround myself with certain people who intellectualize the issue of race, already are socialized to understand, or at least pretend to understand, the differences. Maybe if I went to Allen Park, I would go with these assumptions about sheltered white people and then learn a thing or two once I tried talking to people there. Maybe I would be the awkward one. After all, I didn’t even think people like Jaime — an educated, hip girl — could really be that isolated on the topic of race. I could be, like Jaime, someone who has a lot to learn.